Is “Daddy’s Little Girl” a thing in the Torah? Whereas the Torah puts such a strong focus on fathers and sons, it often seems that the girls, the daughters, are left out or left as mere footnotes unless they become wives. But in Parshas Vayetsei, there is a peek into the concept of the protectiveness a father feels for his daughter – although most people overlook it.
Many parent-child relationships are … complicated. Few seem less so than the relationship of Leah and Rachel and their father Lavan. Many would condemn Lavan’s fatherly affection and censure him for forcing Leah to take Rachel’s place in the wedding. The condemnation in the Torah comes in the dialogue, it is in the reaction of Yaakov and Leah and Rochel, but the Torah itself does not weigh in specifically.
Lavan’s reasoning is, of course, suspect because of what we know of his character. His avarice, as we are taught, was a driving motivation throughout his life. He and his father, according to the Midrash, plotted to poison Eliezer when he came to find Yitzchak a bride, so that they could steal the wealth he had brought. He not only demanded indentured servitude for Yaakov in return for his daughters’ hand in marriage but withheld their dowries as well. Furthermore, even after years of dwelling together, Yaakov, now the father of Lavan’s many grandsons, remained an employee without enough finances to leave his father-in-law’s household.
Lavan’s motives, however, are not all negative. He made certain that his daughters are accommodated, even if that meant marrying them to the same man. In a world of harsh realities for women, he did his duty and also avoided making Leah suffer through an undesirable match with Esav (as the Midrash explains was once the plan). Additionally, many commentaries note that Bilha and Zilpa were also his daughters, through a concubine rather than through his primary wife. And while they are given as maidservants, this can be understood as a father making certain that his children are established and provided for.
The complexities of Lavan’s character are vast. Every word he speaks can be read duplicitously. And yet, Lavan’s last statement before completing a treaty with his son-in-law and blessing him, is significant. “If you ill-treat my daughters or take other wives besides my daughters – though no one else is present, remember, it is Hashem who will be witness between you and me” (Bereishis 31:50).
His daughters are leaving. They are moving away from him forever so there can be no further financial gain from tying Yaakov to him, and they live in a society where additional wives, as concubines, is perfectly normal. While it is a pointed reminder that Hashem is always a witness to our actions, why would the Torah wish us to learn such a lesson from a man who was known for being deceitful?
Bereishis 31:50 reminds us, yet again, of the complexity of human nature. Condemn him as one might for his actions with Yaakov and recognize that his avarice drove his behavior, one can also observe that there were positive motivations as well. He kept Yaakov with him because he received bounty from Yaakov’s blessing of success, but it also kept his daughters and grandchildren close to him. He was upset that Yaakov left because he was losing out on the material benefits and the goods that Yaakov took with him, but they were also leaving him.
From the perspective of the Torah and the understanding of the sages, Lavan will always be a complicated man who represents many negative traits. That the Torah took the time to demonstrate his love for his daughters, however, reminds us that almost everyone has redeeming qualities.
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