Parshas Vayetze – The Influence of Lavan

 Dedicated to a refuah shelaima for Binyamin ben Simcha and Chaya Sofya Sara bas Mera. To the hostages who have been returned, may they have healing, and to those who remain hostage may they come home soon.

 

In Judaism, it is customary to think of our periods of exile by different names. The four great exiles are known as the Babylonian exile, the Persian exile, the Greek exile, and the Roman exile – this last being the exile of Edom that has continued for 2,000 years. There was also the Egyptian exile before we were a nation, and there are references to an oppression enforced by Yishmael. Today, as is commonly discussed, we live in the galus of Edom and suffer the persecution of Yishmael, but one of our greatest threats comes from what might be called the Influence of Lavan.

 

It seems that in every generation there is a set of time when humanity declares that society has descended into its lowest state. And quite often they are right. And quite often we are shocked to find that we can go even lower. It also seems to be true that that time has come and that there has rarely been an era in which deception, and, more significantly, self deception, has been allowed to become a cultural norm – at least in the West. This is the Influence of Lavan.

 

Although Lavan is mentioned earlier in the Torah, it is in Parshas Vayetze that his character is truly presented. Lavan has a reason and an explanation for all of his actions, and they are explanations that sound legitimate and plausible. When he switches Leah for Rochel on Rochel’s wedding day, he presents it as a kindness to his daughter and the following of tradition. When he demands that Yaakov work another seven years to wed Rochel, he hints that this is only fair, after all, since he worked seven years and got Leah. And then there was the matter of Yaakov’s wages for having worked for him long past the 14 years of his marriage vow, which Lavan continually tried to curtail even as he claimed that Yaakov need only specify his wages.

 

This last example is fascinating. Lavan told Yaakov to state how much he was owed, and, shortly thereafter, Lavan’s sons start to complain that Yaakov is taking all of their father’s wealth. Their statements did not come from a vacuum. They had grown up being told that Yaakov was an interloper, even though he was married to their older sisters and quite obviously was a dedicated employee. This was Lavan’s influence. This was the result of the subtle, and not so subtle comments, that must have infiltrated Lavan’s house as he recognized and tried to deny Yaakov’s success. That is Lavan’s nature, as he does, indeed, paint himself as the successful employer even though his wealth came from Yaakov’s hard work.

 

This is all well and good and, in truth, fairly common knowledge about Lavan. What we need to look at here is the behaviour of our ancestors, of Yaakov, of Leah, and of Rochel.  They met deceit with kindness. They met selfishness with rigour and staying true to living an honest, Gd-fearing lifestyle. The only time they seemed to falter from this path was when Rochel, with good intentions, made the decision to take her father’s idols to prevent him from worshipping them. Because she tried to do something righteous through pure trickery, she ended up bearing the weight of Yaakov’s curse.

 

Right now, as Yishmael attacks and Edom looks eagerly to watching Yaakov fall, we must all be wary of Lavan. Every year at Pesach we read in the Haggadah: "Go and learn what Lavan the Aramean sought to do to Yaakov our father… Lavan sought to uproot everything...” The duality of Lavan, when one claims both rightness and victimhood even as one perpetrates great ill, is a dangerous and cunning foe, and it is the foe we face today.

 

Many of us are left bewildered, struggling to comprehend how anyone could equivocate the violent offenders being released at a 3 to 1 ratio for innocent men, women, and children who were taken at gun point from their homes or from a recreational concert. Across the many types of medias, Jews and non-Jewish Israelis have set out a barrage of fact-based declarations, of heartfelt pleas for recognition, and even humorous works of satire to show the world that this is insane. More significantly, even as the world’s “peace-keeping” organizations like the UN and the Red Cross betray their very mandates, Israel strives to present evidence of the excessive measures it takes to try to prevent civilian casualties.

 

But this is Am Yisrael. This is who we are. Pound us. Berate us. Hate us. We will stay strong to the path of real justice. We will reflect our heritage as the descendants of Yaakov, Leah, and Rochel.

 

Stay Strong. Am Yisrael Chai.

Have a beautiful and meaningful Shabbas.

Daddy's Little Girl (Vayetze)

 Is “Daddy’s Little Girl” a thing in the Torah? Whereas the Torah puts such a strong focus on fathers and sons, it often seems that the girls, the daughters, are left out or left as mere footnotes unless they become wives. But in Parshas Vayetsei, there is a peek into the concept of the protectiveness a father feels for his daughter – although most people overlook it.

Many parent-child relationships are … complicated. Few seem less so than the relationship of Leah and Rachel and their father Lavan. Many would condemn Lavan’s fatherly affection and censure him for forcing Leah to take Rachel’s place in the wedding. The condemnation in the Torah comes in the dialogue, it is in the reaction of Yaakov and Leah and Rochel, but the Torah itself does not weigh in specifically.

Lavan’s reasoning is, of course, suspect because of what we know of his character. His avarice, as we are taught, was a driving motivation throughout his life. He and his father, according to the Midrash, plotted to poison Eliezer when he came to find Yitzchak a bride, so that they could steal the wealth he had brought. He not only demanded indentured servitude for Yaakov in return for his daughters’ hand in marriage but withheld their dowries as well. Furthermore, even after years of dwelling together, Yaakov, now the father of Lavan’s many grandsons, remained an employee without enough finances to leave his father-in-law’s household.

Lavan’s motives, however, are not all negative. He made certain that his daughters are accommodated, even if that meant marrying them to the same man. In a world of harsh realities for women, he did his duty and also avoided making Leah suffer through an undesirable match with Esav (as the Midrash explains was once the plan). Additionally, many commentaries note that Bilha and Zilpa were also his daughters, through a concubine rather than through his primary wife. And while they are given as maidservants, this can be understood as a father making certain that his children are established and provided for.

The complexities of Lavan’s character are vast. Every word he speaks can be read duplicitously. And yet, Lavan’s last statement before completing a treaty with his son-in-law and blessing him, is significant. “If you ill-treat my daughters or take other wives besides my daughters – though no one else is present, remember, it is Hashem who will be witness between you and me” (Bereishis 31:50).

His daughters are leaving. They are moving away from him forever so there can be no further financial gain from tying Yaakov to him, and they live in a society where additional wives, as concubines, is perfectly normal. While it is a pointed reminder that Hashem is always a witness to our actions, why would the Torah wish us to learn such a lesson from a man who was known for being deceitful?

Bereishis 31:50 reminds us, yet again, of the complexity of human nature. Condemn him as one might for his actions with Yaakov and recognize that his avarice drove his behavior, one can also observe that there were positive motivations as well. He kept Yaakov with him because he received bounty from Yaakov’s blessing of success, but it also kept his daughters and grandchildren close to him. He was upset that Yaakov left because he was losing out on the material benefits and the goods that Yaakov took with him, but they were also leaving him.

From the perspective of the Torah and the understanding of the sages, Lavan will always be a complicated man who represents many negative traits. That the Torah took the time to demonstrate his love for his daughters, however, reminds us that almost everyone has redeeming qualities.