“If My people, who are called by My name, humble themselves, pray, seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal them” (II Divrei Hayamim 7:14).
Most of us don’t get a chance to study Divrei Hayamim, and I only stumbled upon this quote when searching for new material for JewishTreats.org (my day job, so to speak). I never managed to find a way to use it in a Treat, but it stayed in my mind until I was ready to write my Elul group DT.
This quote is from the seventh perek of II Divrei Hayamim, which discusses the completion of the building of Solomon’s Temple. Hashem told Solomon that the people would stray and He would cause famine and pestilence against them. Verse 14 is the path to redemption, meant to take place in the Temple, laid out by Hashem. Like so many verses in Tanaach, this posuk has meaning and significance beyond the context in which it is written. It offers the steps for the nation to redeem itself, and a beautiful path for individuals as well.
Quite often discussions at this time of year focus on the actions of teshuva: recognizing our transgressions, regretting them, confessing them, apologizing for them and actively seeking not to repeat them. I wonder, however, if this posuk in Divrei Hayamim is revealing that the action of teshuva, which is “turn from their wicked ways,” is actually the last step in a much more complex process.
Perhaps the teshuva process really begins with humbling one’s self. While one could say that is what is accomplished in recognizing one’s transgressions, I think that the process of humbling one’s self is more than just saying “I sinned.” Rather, it is recognizing our humanity, our inability to achieve perfection, and, therefore, our total dependence on Hashem.
The process of human humbling often, but not always, is a reaction to something happening to us: a business deal going awry, an injury, or, perhaps, drastic weather. This is when we turn to prayers from the heart that lead us to contemplate God and the world. Prayer is particularly on our minds during Elul and Tishrei. Even our prayers that we say everyday, without the incitement of being humbled, are transformed during the Aserres Y’mei Teshuva, when we have to slow down and remember the subtle changes in wording.
Prayer is our venue in which we speak to Hashem, but the truth is that many of us pray out of a sense of yira - reverential fear - the reaction to knowing how much greater Hashem is than we are, how much we have for which to be grateful to Him (an understanding that comes through humbling one’s self). In the pasuk from Divrei Hayamim, the final step that comes before the actions of teshuva is “seek my face.” This step is striving to act out of ahava - love - rather than yira. To seek God’s face it to try to get closer to Him, an act of a loving relationship.
Once these steps have been achieve, only than can true, heartfelt teshuva happen because it is not then an act, it is not a hope, it is not a striving. When we can achieve ahavas Hashem, then our act of teshuva is transformational. And this idea leads me to another quote I found that same day which I tried to use as well (but didn’t):
“Rabbi Meir used to say, ‘Great is repentance for on account of one true penitent, the entire world is pardoned” (Talmud Yoma 86b).
I do try and do proper teshuva during Elul and Tishrei, and I can’t say I do a fabulous job because I honestly can’t remember the majority of transgressions that I am certain I have committed. So when I read this quote, I was trying to imagine the power of such a true penitent and I think that such a penitent would have to be one who had really and truly transformed their emunah and their relationship with Hashem.
For those of us who are still just working on humbling ourselves, on embracing emunah and, perhaps, learning to pray truly...Rabbi Meir’s statement can also be read differently. When an individual works hard at the actions of teshuva, just the final steps of turning from wicked ways, and succeeds, they have, indeed, managed to ensure that an entire world is pardoned: their world. As it says in Sanhedrin 37a: “Whosoever preserves a single soul..., scripture ascribes [merit] to him as though he had preserved a complete world.”
As much as we would love to be superheros (ok, I’d just like to get through a day without screaming at my kids), the fact is that our first and most necessary project is to work on ourselves. We as a nation have to power to change the world, and we, as individuals have the power to be world-changers by effecting, ourselves and the world around us.
The women in this group are definitely world-changers. I’ve been part of the Elul group since its beginning, and I have seen the beautiful growth of the women involved, some friends, some strangers, but all dear to me at this time of year. Without question, Caryn and Ruthie deserve special credit in that world changing department, because they have offered this opportunity and encouraged me even in the years that I thought I could not actually manage it. May we all continue to grow together in emunah, yiras Hashem and ahavas Hashem.
Sarah Rochel Hewitt
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So, one of my earlier drafts began like this, and I just wanted to include it as well as a separate thought:
“Rabbi Meir used to say, ‘Great is repentance for on account of one true penitent, the entire world is pardoned” (Talmud Yoma 86b).
I feel like I should apologize right here and right now. Sorry guys, I don’t think I am gonna make the cut this year. Sheesh, I don’t think I’ve ever come close to making that cut. And for that, I am sorry. Well, perhaps sorry is the wrong term...And for that I have regret and, to be perfectly honest, a good bit of guilt. I am so far from where I need to be that I wonder, sometimes, if there is something wrong with me.
But questioning, seeking, searching, accepting and starting all over again seems to be a critical element in Jewish life. It’s not for no reason that we ask for tshuvot (responses) as we learn how to grow spiritually and work toward true teshuva.
This past summer, my almost Bat Mitzvah daughter gave me a joltingly beautiful understanding of this process of growing through asking questions. On Shavuot, she informed me that she and several of her friends had been talking about “stuff” and, basically, questioning how one could actually know if any of what they were being taught was true. I was alarmed, mildly, yet pleased, mildly, too, because I know this is a critical step in her owning her Judaism for herself. I suggested we start learning something together and we went off looking for the right book to learn. We spent a month looking for something that was neither pre-supposing of emunah (like Living Emunah, which tells you how to live a life of emunah, but not how to gain emunah) or to baal teshuva oriented or too mature for her. Then life got busy and our search was forgotten a bit.
When, later, asked her if she was upset that we hadn’t managed to follow through on this project and find a sefer, she said no because she had come to realize that the answer was too big for someone to answer in a book and that these questions were actually too big for herself to be able to simply judge and understand.
I was blown away by her response. If only my own battle for emunah could be so brilliantly resolved!
