Following the traditional Ashkenazi custom, D— and I did not see each other the week before our wedding, so I sent him a “birthday present” through a mutual friend. As I placed the “Happy Birthday You Are 3” card in the gift bag, cute cartoons and all, I was struck by how significant the day was. This man was my bashert, my divinely intended mate, and yet only three years prior, our marriage would have been impossible.
How had it all come to be? My husband’s story is really his to tell. I can only summarize that during a visit to Israel he felt a connection to something far greater than himself and realized that he wished to be part of the Jewish people. Returning to his hometown, D— first reassessed his intentions carefully, and, when he realized that he still wished to be Jewish, he sought out a rabbi to show him the way.
From my own perspective, it is astounding that we even went out in the first place. After all, on paper he did not come close to meeting my “qualifications.” I had been observant for nearly 10 years and had had the privilege of spending time studying in Israel. Modesty aside, in my circle I was considered to be quite knowledgeable, and more than one prospective partner had failed to meet my high-standards for learning. In my mind, the man I married would have been observant at least as long as I had been, and he would have far surpassed me in the area of Judaic studies. What is it they say? Man plans and G-d laughs.
G-d, as you may have realized, works in mysterious ways. Through my husband, I have learned many lessons in humility, and continue to do so. D— did not need all those years of experience that I expected him to need. Since deciding to become a “member of the tribe,” D— had undergone a grueling and intense educational regime.
For anyone who is unfamiliar with the process of converting to Judaism, it is a process not to be lightly undertaken. Indeed, when I was getting to know my husband, I spoke to a woman in his hometown community with whom he was close and asked if she thought, given the fact that he was so new, that he was truly dedicated. Having witnessed, at close range, his conversion process, she was shocked that the question could even be asked. Beyond completely turning over his life, giving up non-kosher restaurants, Friday nights at the pub and a host of other old personal pleasures, he was required to spend hours upon hours in Judaism classes. He was tested for knowledge and carefully observed to verify his sincerity. With every step he took closer to the Torah, his identity blurred, shifted and changed. And while D—’s commitment grew with every challenge that he faced, he also had to struggle to deal with the changes in the important relationships of his previous life that he wished to maintain in his new life. There were constant explanations necessary, as well as asking his many friends and family to accommodate his new lifestyle.
D—’s process, from decision to conversion, lasted close to 3 years. Much of what I had learned in my 29 years of existence, he had to learn in that short span of time. Holidays, life cycles, even vocabulary, things that had always been part of my existence, were all part of his learning process--a process we now continue together.
My husband’s “dip day,” as we jokingly refer to the day on which he went to the mikvah and ritually immersed himself to complete his conversion, was the 3rd of Sivan. Our wedding anniversary is the 8th of Sivan. In between those two dates is the holiday of Shavuot, the anniversary of the day G-d gave the Jewish people the Torah on Mount Sinai.
It is no coincidence, I realize, that these two days, so important in our personal lives, occur around Shavuot. The holiday of Shavuot is all about preparation for changing oneself completely. When the Children of Israel left Egypt (as celebrated on Passover), they were a fleeing assortment of ex-slaves connected primarily by bloodline. When they stood at Mount Sinai, only seven weeks later, they expressed with one heart the desire to accept the Torah from G-d and to dedicate their lives, and the lives of their children after them, to living the Torah’s ideal. Shavuot is often compared to a marriage, with G-d as the groom, the Torah as the wedding contract and the Children of Israel as the bride. It was the beginning of a beautiful, if sometimes turbulent, relationship.
Three thousand plus years later, just prior to Shavuot, D— joined the Jewish nation, accepting upon himself exactly what my own ancestors had accepted at Mount Sinai. And three years later, just after Shavuot, on our wedding day, we joined together and pledged to each other and to G-d that our lives and the lives of our children would be lived by these extraordinary ideals.
As Shavuot approaches, and I look forward to celebrating yet another “dip-day/birthday” with my husband, as well as our anniversary, I am once again awed by the gift that I have been given. Everyday, I have with me a source of inspiration. While I was born a Jew and have chosen to strive to live my life to the full extent of that birthright, my husband accepted the Torah upon himself freely and of his own accord. And while I may have had years of life experience and the gift of a Jewish day school background, my husband is constantly finding new and exciting insights that energize our home.
Thank you G-d, for all your mysterious ways and for opening me up to even consider saying hello to such a “little kid.”
