Living in a supermarket society sometimes makes it hard to relate to some aspects of our agrarian/pastoral ancestors. If one is hungry, even for a fancy meal, one can have the basic ingredients on their counter within the hour. In fact, now with UberEats, a person can have quite a nice spread without any effort at all. It can only be assumed, however, that when Yitzchak asked Esav to fetch his hunting gear and prepare a meal for him that Yitzchak wasn't in a particular rush.
The base lesson most commonly cited for Parshas Toldos is that Yitzchak loved Esau and was, perhaps deliberately, oblivious to Esav’s true nature. This seems a strange casting of Yitzchak’s character, especially as Rivka would surely have shared with him the prophetic warning that “Two nations are in your womb, Two separate peoples shall issue from your body; One people shall be mightier than the other, And the older shall serve the younger” (Bereishis 25:23).
In fact, this warning even before their birth makes it a tad surprising that at first announcing their arrival, the text states: “And behold, twins were in her womb!” But, we know that already. Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch, however, says this: “After she had been told of the contrasting difference between the expected children, one would have thought that they would be not identical twins and not look alike. The surprising thing was that they were really identical twins.” The only difference, he continues, was that Esav was so much more developed than Yaakov.
Some commentators say that one of the great flaws that occurred was that the boys were educated in the same way, that their differences were not taken into account. Bereishis 27:3-4, however, seems to reveal that Yitzchak was just as aware as Rivka of their sons’ different natures but, perhaps, rather than favor Yaakov, he chose to continue to try to connect with Esav.
It is interesting to think of Yitzchak as the seemingly compassionate parent believing always in his son, while Rivka seems to have abandoned hope. We commonly think of fathers as hard and mothers as soft, which is precisely why, according to commentaries, mother is mentioned first in the commandment “Every person shall revere/fear their mother and their father" (Leviticus 19:3) – mother is listed first because fearing one's father is the more normal state than fearing one’s mother. Perhaps that is why it is so easy to believe that Yitzchak was simply oblivious.
Understanding their parenting perspectives might be as simple as recognizing that even decades into their marriage, Yitzchak and Rivka were still heavily influenced by their own upbringing. Yitzchak was raised in a home in which all types of people learned from his parents, who were affected by his family’s kindness, and who made changes in their lives. In fact, he even had a close model of a person turning themselves around. The Midrash tells us that one of the men who accompanied Avraham and Yitzchak to the Akeidah was Yishmael. Although Sarah saw him as a bad influence and he was sent away in his youth, he did teshuva and return to his father’s camp. Thus one could say, based on his own brother, that Yitzchak had reason to hope that Esav would change.
The difference between Yishmael and Esav was that Yishmael does not appear to have tried to hide his nature or his deeds. It was easy for others to see what he was. Esav, on the other hand, is known for his duplicity, for “playing pious,” before his father. Rivka recognized this type of character, for this was the nature of her own brother, Lavan. Rivka, therefore, could be more realistic about the hope of Esav changing.
It may be an obvious statement that we are greatly influenced by our families and our childhood experiences, but there are few biblical narratives that demonstrate the subtlety of this influence as much as Parshas Toldos. Yitzchak’s relationship with Esav could well be a reflection of his childhood. Perhaps he was so reluctant to send Esav away, or even to relegate him to a lesser position than bachor (firstborn), because he remembers his own brother being sent away, or, at the very least, he remembers hearing stories of the traumatic event.
When Yitzchak sent Esav to hunt for him and to prepare his catch, he was throwing Esav a lifeline. He was acknowledging his recognition of his son's character, but, at the same time, by telling him that he wanted to open his heart to bless him, he was warning Esav that now was a critical moment, that now was the time for teshuva. Esav, who was perfectly aware and content with himself, could not hear that this was his father's final attempt at helping his son become worthy of his spiritual heritage.
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