Friday, November 14, 2025

Parshas Chayei Sara: Not Negotiable

This week’s parsha, Parshas Chayei Sara, is a parsha of negotiation. Avraham negotiates with Ephron and the Hittites for the cave of machpela, then Avraham compromises with Eliezer (if you don’t find anyone, come back and he can marry your daughter – per the Midrash), and then, of course, there is complex and extremely subtle negotiations with Rivka’s family. The only place we do not encounter compromise in this chapter is the final aliyot, and those verses hold a tremendous lesson about our people and our place in the world.

 

The idea of Bnei Yisrael as the “Chosen People” is one that often appears to be the cause of great friction in history. In modern history, it has fostered accusations of exclusivity, even as the two other Abrahamic religions sought to claim themselves as the replacement for our nation. From the very start of our people, however, Avraham set a precedent about the importance of the dignity of all people, not just one set of people.

 

Avraham had eight sons. Yitzchak, the only son of Avraham and Sarah and the one who had proven himself dedicated to accepting and embracing Hashem’s will, was his heir both spiritually and materialistically. Avraham’s other sons, however, meant a great deal to him. He did not ignore them or try to do less for them – or at least we do not see any description of that being the case.

 

As Avraham reaches his final years, he takes his other children well into account. He doesn’t leave the other children hanging around and dependent. Thus “to Avraham’s sons by concubines Avraham gave gifts while he was still living, and he sent them away from his son Yizchak, eastward, to the land of the East” (Bereishis 25:5-6). Avraham wanted his sons to have the opportunity to grow and flourish even as he set the task of continuing spiritual development on Yitzchak. He gave them gifts and set them up to grow and flourish in their own rights. Indeed, these sone (most recognizably, Midian) became nations in their own right to the East of the Promised Land

 

And then there was Yishmael. Avraham did not include Yishmael in this gift giving and yet he also did not include his natural first born in his will. Why? Because Hashem had already seen to Yishamel. Hashem had already promised that He would “make him fertile and exceedingly numerous. He shall be the father of twelve chieftains, and I will make of him a great nation” (Bereishis 17:20). Also, he was far older than these other sons and already well established in the lands that would become his own.

 

The fact that Avraham treated Yishamel with dignity and love is suggested by the fact that Yishamel returned to bury Avraham: “His sons Yitzchak and Yishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron son of Zohar the Hittite, facing Mamre” (25:9). There was love. There was acceptance. But, in these final aliyot, we see that there was no negotiation.

 

The world today – as it has for many generations – wants us to compromise. It wants us to enter into negotiations of identity that would min our inheritance and shift their beliefs into primacy. This is something we cannot do, or we will have betrayed the greatness of Avraham Avinu. From the beginning of the spiritual nation, he set a precedent. Yitzchak is the heir, but everyone else is beloved and treated with dignity.

 

One of the most unique and differentiating aspect of Judaism throughout the ages is that it not only accepts that there are people who will not share our religion, but that we can show them love and generosity. It is a lesson that we must share with the world, and it is a lesson that, sadly, many of us need to be reminded of as well.

 

May you have a Shabbas of peace.

 

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