Every Elul, I participate in a phenomenal group of women who share divrei Torah throughout the month (and into Tishrei, until Yom Kippur). This is my piece this year, which tied in to the parsha:
This week’s parsha is a double parsha that is known by the name of Nitzavim-Vayelech, And they stood-And he went. The two parshios have fascinatingly different tones of voice. The first parsha, Nitzavim, is deep and heavy and frightful. Moshe declares to the people: “You are all standing here today…”to enter the covenant before continuing on to reiterate the horrible fate that awaits Bnei Yisrael should they go astray. Vayelech, on the other hand, has a much gentler tone as Moshe speaks in the first person, inducting Yehoshua and comforting the nation that even if they fall, Hashem will uphold His covenant.
There are, it would seem, two primary approaches to the month of Elul. (1) Watch out! Elul is coming, and so it is time to tremble at the awe of the upcoming days. There are countless descriptions of the great fear and trepidation the greatest of our leaders feel at this time. But then there is (2) the Elul of Ani l’dodi v’dodi li – I am to my beloved and my beloved is mine – when we are constantly reminded that “The King is in the field” and that Hashem wants us to approach Him and to bring Him our personal requests.
So which is it? Am I supposed to be worried and fearful and scared of being judged? Or am I supposed to be joyful about the opportunity of getting closer to Hashem? Fear and Love don’t feel like emotions that one can embrace at the same time. And neither is easy; both paths are incredibly difficult. Most of us have moments of true awe, an honest feeling of tension at the idea of being judged. But we don’t really live with it. There’s too much going on. And the same can be true for living with the constant energy for seeking out Hashem in the field. I desire to seek out my relationship with Hashem all the time but reality puts me at about 4%, if I am being generous.
The double parshios of this Shabbas remind us that these two perspectives on Elul, on life really, can and do exist side by side. “Nitzavim – And they stood” is a parsha that evokes trembling. It starts with the declaration of the eternity of the covenant, describes the depth of anger against anyone turning against Torah, and concludes with the imperative to choose life. This is the awesomeness of Hashem. As we enter Elul and move into Tishrei, we are standing in a spot to perceive the greater picture, to understand that as members of Bnei Yisrael, we are part of something much bigger and far grander than our own simple lives, but that we have deep and specific responsibilities.
“Vayelech – And he went” is a softer parsha. It is a parsha of encouragement presented in the first person. It is a parsha that reminds us of Ani l’dodi v’dodi li. Because there is in it an inference of second chances and new opportunities. Giving second chances is the essence of belovedness.
I have always preferred to focus on the Ani l’dodi, the seeking out a relationship, figuring out how to crown Hashem anew in my life. I avoid the fear and trembling – not because I don’t think it is important but because I don’t know how to even get close to it, let alone achieve it. But in putting together my thoughts for this dvar Torah, I have come to see how the two are really one. A relationship requires work and attention and responsibility. The fear - the trembling -- is not fear of punishment but rather the fear of disappointing Hashem because “I am to my Beloved as my beloved is to me. “ And because I fear disappointing Hashem, I must seek Him out in the field and enhance the relationship by reminding myself that Hashem wants to do for me and all I need to do is reach out.
Good Shabbas
And Shana Tova if I don’t get time to post.
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