(This one is a bit off the cuff and may totally miss the
mark. The onslaught of holidays has made parsha a bit of a challenge and my
brain is a bit scattered still!)
This week we start the Torah anew, and parshas Bereishis is so
full of details and undercurrents that it takes years of study just to understand
the nuances. Reviewing the more surface level events, however, one might wonder
how much of the “Battle of the Sexes” is rooted in the words of Bereishis. It
all begins with one very simple line in the first chapter of the Torah, a line
to describe the creation of Adam: “Male and female created He them” (Bereishis
1:27).
Verse 27, both irregular in its construct and loaded with
options for interpretation, offers us the (possibly) comforting thought that
the struggle to understand the dynamic of male and female relations has existed
since the very outset. Male and female together in the verse means that Adam
was both male and female – a complete human being. Perhaps Adam was too
complete, impeding Adam’s ability to create a relationship with Hashem (the
ultimate goal of humankind) because there was no way of understanding
relationships when one is alone. And so, Hashem decided that “It is not good
for man to be alone…” Hashem then split Adam to create an eizer knegdo.
Eizer knegdo is another strange term. The word kneged
implies something that stands opposite. Eizer is a helper. The obvious
questions is then: how can someone be helpful and in opposition at the same
time? Tradition teaches us that the idea of eizer knegdo is that the
relationship is meant to spur one on to be the best he can be. Sometimes this
requires teamwork and helpfulness, and sometimes it requires pushback and
force. This is the concept of eizer knegdo a partner that helps a person grow
into their ultimate spiritual potential.
So what happened? How did the division of Adam with the goal
of creating a partnership turn into the “Battle of the sexes”? Interestingly, a
midrash pertaining to an earlier piece of creation seems incredibly pertinent.
The Midrash relates that when Hashem create the sun and the moon, the moon
asked Hashem whether two great luminaries could really rule the heavens. In
answer to the implied bid for dominance, the moon was reduced to a reflection
of the sun. The way the moon asked the question implied that one had to be
dominant over the other, but Hashem created a luminary for the day and a
luminary for the night and therefore it was, of course, possible for their
greatness to be equal.
“Male and female created He them.” Hashem made Adam as a
unified being and then He divided them. Of course, it was possible for them to succeed
on equal footing. Hashem also gave humanity language and comprehension and free
will. Adam-alone being the part of Adam-combined that retained the memories of
the time that had already passed perhaps saw the distinction Hashem made
between the sun and the moon and determined, with his free will and advanced
comprehension, that this was the ideal, that Chava needed to be a reflection of
him. Perhaps he remembered the term eizer knegdo and focused on the eizer, the
helper. He expected to lead and so he added to Hashem’s words and told her that
they could neither eat nor touch the Tree of Knowledge.
This may sound like a flight of fancy, but centuries of the
male-female dynamic are a result of all that occurred in parshas Berieishis.
Hashem created Adam as whole, split them, and then Chava, the eizer knegdo, seems
to do the opposite of helping Adam. She brings him the fruit of the Tree of
Knowledge of Good and Bad and they are kicked out of Gan Eden (the Garden of Eden).
Within the expulsion is the forthwith dominance of man over woman, when Hashem
declares “Yet your urge shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you”
(3:17).
The curse of Chava has been at the heart of interpersonal
male-female dynamics since the dawn of time. But the “urge for your husband”
and the rule of husband over wife does not indicate that this is the state that
is meant to be between all men and women. This comes back to the term eizer
knegdo, and the understanding of the term as singularly directed for woman to
help man. If that were so, however, would not the term used be eizeres knegdo
rather than the eizer, which is masculine and thus general language?
The division of Adam into Adam and Chava, and the perpetual goal
of bringing the two sides together is the material of every Jewish marriage
book, and it is the heart of the Jewish perspective on what a relationship should
be. But Adam and Chava were far more than individuals. They set the path for
all of humanity to come. Perhaps the Battle of the Sexes that we struggle with even
in our modern, liberal, enlightened world comes from our inherent lack of understanding
of the purpose and the need for the dynamic of eizer knegdo. The world is not
about every man for himself, nor every woman for herself. It is not good for
man to be alone…In the greater whole of the world, Hashem divided humankind
into male and female so that the different dimensions of humankind could be utilized
to attain the spiritual connection of humanity and Hashem. Each of us must now
use our strengths, our character traits, to help each other build that relationship.
Shabbat Shalom
Dedicated to a refuah shelaima for Dovid Chaim HaCohen ben
Tzipora
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