The Fifth Day of The Ten Days of Teshuva

This Dvar Torah was written as part of a group that says Tehillim/Psalms together during the month of Elul (through Yom Kippur).

I am writing this Dvar Torah for Monday. The normal crazy, hectic, back-on-schedule, what-was-I-working-on Monday, that will be made crazier by the long holiday. But this Monday is also the fifth day of the aseret ymai teshuva. One might say it is the midpoint of these day on which we are meant to be more alert to our spiritiual needs.

In my hectic, get-the-kids-up, carpool, work, medical appointments, carpool entertain-feed-put-them-to-bed weekdays, connecting to the aserest ymai teshuva is incredibly difficult. The question, of course, is what to do with it.

This year’s Tzum Gedaliah fast was a strange one for me. Perhaps because it was really the fourth of Tishrei instead of the third, or perhaps because it was a rainy, gray Sunday (never the best days in our house). I think, however, it had a lot to do with a conversation I had with someone about the very ambiguity of the day. Oddly enough, this person expressed a thought that I too had had about this fast, only said more clearly: "What were the sages thinking? Don’t we have enough fast days that they added this one?" The point was not the fasting, but the lack of any connection as to why we were fasting. Taanis Esther we all understand, it is so obvious from the text itself. Tisha B’Av, Asarah b’ Tevet, Shiva Asar b’Tamuz...these also give us something to connect with...ok, I can reflect on the loss of the Beis Hamikdash. But Tzum Gedaliah doesn’t feel like it has the same weight. Nebach, one Jew murdered another. But its happened at other points in history. We today are highly desensitized to these sort of things. The stroy of Gedaliah has intrigue, political motivations, dire consequences...it sounds like a pulp fiction paperback.

I’m jumping a bit here, but please be patient...

In doing research for writing Jewish Treats (I write the blog Jewishtreats.org), I was intrigued by the story in Talmud Rosh Hashana 25a, in which Rabban Gamaliel orders Rabbi Joshua to appear before him with his staff and his wallet on the day Rabbi Joshua believed was Yom Kippur. Rabban Gamaliel had declared the new month based on two witnesses who may have been wrong, since no moon actually appeared that night. Rabbi Joshua, following Rabbi Dosa ben Harkinas, declared the two witnesses false...accept that their testimonies had already been accepted by Rabban Gamaliel. Rabbi Joshua arrived at the Sanhedrin as ordered because

Rabbi Akiva...said to him: I can bring proof [from the scripture] that whatever Rabban Gamaliel has done is valid, because it says, "These are the appointed seasons of the Lord, holy convocations, which you shall proclaim in their appointed seasons," [which means to say that] whether they are proclaimed at their proper time or not at their proper time, I have no appointed seasons save these. He [Rabbi Joshua] then went to Rabbi Dosa ben Harkinas, who said to him: If we call in question [the fecisions of] the beth din of Rabban Gamaliel, we must call in question the decisions of every beth din which has existed since the days of Moses up to the present time.

It all goes back to Devarim 17:11, "According to the law which they shall teach you, and according to the judgment which they shall tell you, you shall do; you shalt not turn aside from the sentence which they shall declare to you, to the right hand, nor to the left."

We fast on Tzum Gedaliah because God instructed us to follow the sages, even if we aren’t quite certain of their logic. God trusted them to make the right decisions for us.

Two Shabbasim ago we read Parashat Nitzavim, in which there is a verse that I found particularly profound. "The secret things belong to the Lord our God; but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law" (Deuteronomy 29:28).We can’t always get an answer to why things we must follow certain laws (chukim) - well any laws really - and we can’t understand why things happen in the world.

And in the end, every question about how to connect to the asert ymai teshuvacomes back to God and trust, to remembering that which we will say on Yom Kippur in Kee Anu Amecha: We are Your handiwork, and You are our Shaper.

Over Rosh Hashana I was lucky enough to be able to daven all of Pekudei D’zimrot, Shacharit and Mussaf (for those who don’t know me, I have four kids 7 and under, none of whom were at shul). As I ended P.D. on the second morning, I "pretended" to be in shul and shouted out HaMelech. Avi, my oldest, thought this was quite strange and asked my husband (who had not yet gone to shul) why I did it. David explained that this was one of the themes of Rosh Hashana.

Thinking back on this incident, however, I realize that this is my key. I’m not a good "davener," I don’t connect when I recite Shemona Esrei. I have yet to feel a link to the Divine when reciting Tehillim. But I can shout out Hamelech with gusto and emotion. That one word says so much. God is the King, and we have to love and fear and be grateful to him at all moments.

So for the remainder of the asert ymai teshuva, I am going to try and call out to the king, even if it is just a short momentary call of Hamelech when I wish to say thank You, or help me, or simply to remind myself, that everything in life, whether it makes sense or not, is sent to me from the King.