Parshas Chayei Sarah: Astonishment

“And the man was astonished at her, standing silent, to know whether Hashem was on his path or not” (Bereishis 24:21). Smack in the middle of the parsha is this delightful gem of a pasuk. Taken on its own it sounds almost romantic – the man was so astonished by her that he was struck dumb. Taken in context of the pasuk before, which describes the young lady’s generous distribution of water for the camels, this pasuk is an ode to a young woman’s strength and generosity. Taken in the context of the parsha, this pasuk offers a lovely insight into how to have a relationship with Hashem.

Eliezer is a Biblical personality who can easily be overlooked. We all know that he was given the tremendous task of finding a wife for Yitzchak, and the Midrash tells us that a small part of him hoped that his daughter could marry into Avraham’s family. His journey to the well and his meeting with Rivka are famous moments from the Torah, as is his heartfelt prayer that Hashem should show him a sign that he has found the right match for Yitzchak.

Eliezer’s bakasha is actually quite remarkable. He says: “O Hashem, Gd of my master Avraham, grant me good fortune this day, and deal graciously with my master Avraham. Here I stand by the spring as the daughters of the townspeople come out to draw water; let the maiden to whom I say, ‘Please, lower your jar that I may drink,’ and who replies, ‘Drink, and I will also water your camels’—let her be the one whom You have decreed for Your servant Yitzchak. Thereby shall I know that You have dealt graciously with my master.”

Eliezer starts broad, as most of us do, by asking for good fortune, by asking that he succeed in his task. But then he does more. He explains himself to Hashem, telling him his situation and then spelling out what he hopes will happen. This sounds like an obvious way to daven, but it is far too easy to fall into overly generalized requests. Please help so and so with a shidduch. Please help yada-yada with parnassa. Please help me succeed at my business meeting…. And some prayers rightly should be generalized. However, from Eliezer’s prayer we can be reminded that while Hashem could read your mind, He wants to hear you express those needs.

 Rivka comes and draws the water, as Eliezer had hoped, and gives water to the stranger and his multitude of camels. Everything appears to be going perfectly. This girl is calm and sweet and strong and doing everything Eliezer davened for. And this is the moment that Eliezer stops and gazes at her in silence. The vast majority of us would have leaped forward at this moment and told her of our mission. But Eliezer doesn’t. Eliezer stops and processes.

 Fascinatingly, at least to me, the bakasha and the response parallel each other.

 “And the man was astonished at her”  - Eliezer is astonished to have found her, which doesn’t mean that he is dumbfounded, as some might understand that word, but astonished as in full of wonder because Hashem has granted him good fortune as he asked.

 “Standing silent” – This is an interesting parallel because Eliezer requested that the girl speak, which Rivka has. But he is also waiting for confirmation per the end of his request.

 “To know whether Hashem was on his path or not” – And this parallels Eliezer’s request exactly –  “Thereby shall I know that You have dealt graciously with my master.” He doesn’t want to make assumptions. He wants to let Hashem show him all that needs to be revealed.

 It is possible that many of us are stopping here and thinking – Halavei my bakashos should be answered with such clarity as Eliezer received. And it is true that we live in an age of hester panim, when we often have to squint and really focus to see Yad Hashem. But, then again, how often are we ourselves so clear on the what we need and why we need it. We are clear on what we want, but Eliezer was clear on what he needed (which, takka, was not what he fully wanted).

 In discussing asking and thanking Hashem, people often offer the cute comment about thanking Hashem when you find a good parking space (which I totally due, especially on alternate side parking days!). But how often, when you ask Hashem for that space, are you “astonished” when it appears. Grateful, yes…astonished?

 From Eliezer we have a simple message about being clear in what we need and, even more, being open and ready to see and be astonished by what Hashem provides.

Parshas Chayei Sara: Not Negotiable

This week’s parsha, Parshas Chayei Sara, is a parsha of negotiation. Avraham negotiates with Ephron and the Hittites for the cave of machpela, then Avraham compromises with Eliezer (if you don’t find anyone, come back and he can marry your daughter – per the Midrash), and then, of course, there is complex and extremely subtle negotiations with Rivka’s family. The only place we do not encounter compromise in this chapter is the final aliyot, and those verses hold a tremendous lesson about our people and our place in the world.

 

The idea of Bnei Yisrael as the “Chosen People” is one that often appears to be the cause of great friction in history. In modern history, it has fostered accusations of exclusivity, even as the two other Abrahamic religions sought to claim themselves as the replacement for our nation. From the very start of our people, however, Avraham set a precedent about the importance of the dignity of all people, not just one set of people.

 

Avraham had eight sons. Yitzchak, the only son of Avraham and Sarah and the one who had proven himself dedicated to accepting and embracing Hashem’s will, was his heir both spiritually and materialistically. Avraham’s other sons, however, meant a great deal to him. He did not ignore them or try to do less for them – or at least we do not see any description of that being the case.

 

As Avraham reaches his final years, he takes his other children well into account. He doesn’t leave the other children hanging around and dependent. Thus “to Avraham’s sons by concubines Avraham gave gifts while he was still living, and he sent them away from his son Yizchak, eastward, to the land of the East” (Bereishis 25:5-6). Avraham wanted his sons to have the opportunity to grow and flourish even as he set the task of continuing spiritual development on Yitzchak. He gave them gifts and set them up to grow and flourish in their own rights. Indeed, these sone (most recognizably, Midian) became nations in their own right to the East of the Promised Land

 

And then there was Yishmael. Avraham did not include Yishmael in this gift giving and yet he also did not include his natural first born in his will. Why? Because Hashem had already seen to Yishamel. Hashem had already promised that He would “make him fertile and exceedingly numerous. He shall be the father of twelve chieftains, and I will make of him a great nation” (Bereishis 17:20). Also, he was far older than these other sons and already well established in the lands that would become his own.

 

The fact that Avraham treated Yishamel with dignity and love is suggested by the fact that Yishamel returned to bury Avraham: “His sons Yitzchak and Yishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron son of Zohar the Hittite, facing Mamre” (25:9). There was love. There was acceptance. But, in these final aliyot, we see that there was no negotiation.

 

The world today – as it has for many generations – wants us to compromise. It wants us to enter into negotiations of identity that would min our inheritance and shift their beliefs into primacy. This is something we cannot do, or we will have betrayed the greatness of Avraham Avinu. From the beginning of the spiritual nation, he set a precedent. Yitzchak is the heir, but everyone else is beloved and treated with dignity.

 

One of the most unique and differentiating aspect of Judaism throughout the ages is that it not only accepts that there are people who will not share our religion, but that we can show them love and generosity. It is a lesson that we must share with the world, and it is a lesson that, sadly, many of us need to be reminded of as well.

 

May you have a Shabbas of peace.

 

Ephron Again

 

This week’s Parsha, Parshas Chayei Sarah, could be described as a parsha that is about death. After all, it begins with the death and burial of the matriarch and ends with the death and burial of the patriarch. (That may sound almost depressing, but it cannot be forgotten that in-between is the foundation of the next generation – the shidduch of Yitzchak and Rivka.) As significant as it is to have their passings and their burials recorded, the state of the world today bares a constant reminder of the other critical aspect of this parsha: the acquisition of a burial plot for Sarah.

 The details of the actual purchase of Marat Hamachpela are vital for the Jewish people to know and understand. Avraham’s specifically public negotiations and payment set the tone for all of his descendants. Even while Hashem had promised Avraham that his children and his children’s children, the myriad there would be for generations, would inherit the land, there were right ways and wrong ways to go about it. Avraham’s insistence on a clean purchase, on no solicitous gifts or false faced dealings such as those presented by Ephron the Hittite, reverberates through history and empowers us even today.

 It is interesting to note that Ephron the Hittite is recorded at both the beginning and the end of the parsha. The beginning, when the negotiations are recorded, make sense. Why, however, does the Torah repeat Ephron’s name when Yitzchak and Yishmael bring their father to his final resting place.  “His sons Yitzchak and Yishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron son of Zohar the Hittite, facing Mamre, the field that Abraham had bought from the Hittites; there Abraham was buried, and Sarah his wife (Bereishis 25:9-10).

 The obvious answer is that his name is attached here for clarification, so that no one will be confused about where Avraham was buried. That answer is just a bit too obvious because it would simply be redundant information. Bereishis 23 makes the purchase very clear by the burial of Sarah. We must, therefore, look deeper.

 The Midrash notes in Bereishis Rabbah 58 that Ephron was greedy. His persona is associated with Mishlei 28:22: “A greedy man rushes after wealth; and he does not know that diminishment will befall him.” His diminishment is noted in the Torah in that Pasuk 23:16 “diminished the letter vav from him.”  And while this specific short-form is noted at the end of the negotiations with Avraham, the negotiations in which Avraham demonstrated straight-forwardness and integrity, it should be noted that the short form is also used in the one reference to Ephron in perek chaf-hey. Avraham was willing to pay whatever price was necessary for Machpela, even the bloated evaluation of Ephron the Hittite. Thus stating the contrast between the two and legitimizing Avraham’s purchase of the cave.

 But this set of pasukim in Perek Chaf-Hey catch the commentators’ attention for other reasons. The pasuk states: “His sons Yitzchak and Yishmael...” Proper format, even according to today’s etiquette, is that the name of the elder child goes first. And while we know that Yitzchak was Avraham’s true heir, Yishmael was, nevertheless, his first-born son. A fair number of commentators, such as Rabbeinu Bahya and the Ramban determine from this pasuk that Yishmael has, by the time of his father’s funeral, done complete teshuva. This explanation means that not only did he repent of all his ways, but that he started following his father’s path.

 In doing teshuva, Yishmael needed to do more than just turn his life around. He had to overcome a possibly justifiable sense of righteous indignation at being seconded by a much younger brother. He had to put aside his jealousy at the bracha showered upon Yitzchak. He had to “see” that there was a designated path and accept it. Let’s be realistic, it probably was not an easy thing for him to do.

 Adding in the fact that Yishmael set his pride aside and acknowledged Yitzchak’s position at Machpela reminds us that Yishmael was fully cognizant of the legitimacy of the claim of Yitzchak’s descendants to the Promised Land. However, there is still a lingering question as the why it was necessary to repeat “the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron son of Zohar the Hittite, facing Mamre, the field that Avraham had bought from the Hittites.”

 We have all seen the maps of the Middle East. There are giant splashes of one color and a tiny sliver of another – a provocative reminder of the size of the claim the State of Israel has for a Jewish national holding compared to the size and number of Arab states. By stating this very specific location, the Torah is setting a reminder that we may claim only that which is ours and that we have no need for that which is others. The Jewish nation has no desire for anything more than its homeland, and the fact that it is our homeland – that Yitzchak’s descendants had precedence – was acknowledged and respected by Yishmael, the forefather of the Muslim people.

 Good Shabbas and Mazal Tov Eitan Kelly on you Bar Mitzvah this Shabbas.

Parshas Chaye Sarah - Straight Talk in a World of Deception

Dedicated to a refuah shelaima for all of the injured in the war in Eretz Yisrael, for the safety of our soldiers, and as a prayer for the return of the hostages.

Parshas Chaye Sarah is composed of two main stories: the purchase of the field and cave of Machpelah as a burial placed for Sarah and finding a bride for Yitzchak. These two major moments seem very different, but they are connected by one thing in addition to their being the lifecycle events of patriarchs and matriarchs, and that connection is the subtle desire for deception verses talking straight.

This week in our current situation, it would be easy to jump into a Dvar Torah about Avraham’s purchase of Machpela from Ephron. But if you are reading this, you are probably not someone who needs proof of the Jewish people’s right to exist in the Promised Land. The text of the exchange has always been a bit of a mystery. Had the Midrashim and the commentaries not told me that there was subtext, that Ephron offered the land without any interest in not being paid the full market price, I would have thought that Avraham was highly beloved by his neighbors.

Even when Avraham insists on paying, Ephron declares, “My lord, listen to me; a [piece of] land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is it between me and you? Bury your dead” (Bereishis 23:15). The general response is that this was a cultural response, a way of saving face in front of the Hittites. This may be true, and many of us have enjoyed haggling in the shuk, but it also demonstrates that Avraham was not interested in this game. He asked what the land cost and paid the premium price because he understood one of the most significant messages in the Torah: words matter. What is said matters.

Once the cave is purchased, Avraham looks to settle Yitzchak down and sends his servant Eliezer to Charan to find a bride. Hereto we have a situation where everything looks to be on the up-and-up. Lavan, Rivka’s brother, invites him to their home – and the Torah even tells us that Lavan did so only after hearing that Eliezer appeared rich. Her father and brother seem to be looking out for her in all of their discussions. And yet we know, from actions still to come and from the explanation of our greatest Midrashim, that they were duplicitous. They actually, according to the Midrash, had no intention of handing him Rivka but rather planned on murdering him and taking all of his gold.

Here is the interesting thing. Already, the Torah has provided a great deal of detail about what happened when Eliezer met Rivka, before she told her mother of him and her brother rushed to invite the rich man home. Once they have arrived at her home and Eliezer has been welcomed, he is invited to sit with them for a meal. He responds: “And [food] was set before him to eat, but he said, ‘I will not eat until I have spoken my words.’ And he said, ‘Speak.’” (24:33). This would not be so interesting if the Torah did not then present the entire story all over again from the lips of Eliezer…in many pasukim.

Eliezer, Avraham’s closest disciple, lays all of his cards on the table from the very beginning. Just like Avraham his master. There is no interest in playing games. There is no interest in underhanded gain. There is no interest in saving face and acting as if he has zero self-interest. This is the Torah value.

Stepping into the modern era and hearing the twisted history of stealing land, one cannot help but think of how Jews bought so many hecters (forgive me if that is the wrong term) of land in the first half of the 20th century and how the Zionist movement was clear on its call for a Jewish Homeland. There was no duplicity.

One might argue that in just a few weeks we will read the Torah narrative of Yaakov, who is known for the midda of emes and yet is called by his wife Leah the chief of the deceivers (in a Midrash). Yet when Yaakov buys Esav’s birthright, he speaks in straightforward terms and when he deals with Lavan he tries every means to express exactly what he wants, even as Lavan twists words and manipulates him constantly. And while the narrative of the brachos from Yitzchak is difficult, the text makes it clear that Yaakov did this against his will and tried his best to stick to the truth by, according to the Midrash, carefully wording his responses.

We have remained a straightforward people, and we will remain this way. Ephron, Besuel, Lavan and etc. have one major thing in common: They put on the face they thought that the person they were speaking to wanted to see even though they had plans in their minds that were far from the words that came from their mouths. This is the path of world politics and the media. This duplicity is the great public relations game that, to be honest, the State of Israel has been failing for decades. But, perhaps, it is not Israel’s fault. Perhaps, Baruch Hashem, this is just the way of our people. We have, right now, such simple wants – we want the hostages returned and to live in peace in our land. But the world can’t hear these basic requests because the world functions on deception, on the expectation that whatever is being asked for is not really what is desired. Our enemies speak of peace and ceasefire and humanitarian considerations with the intention of using that time to regroup, as they have proven time and time again. Israel asks for the return of the hostages and the end of Hamas – but no one believes our straightforward truth.

And while the world of nations might not care that we are genuinely laying our cards on the table, Hashem does. We are once again proving ourselves to be the true descendants of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov. (---a fact not to be lost during the parsha in which the lineage of Ishmael is delineated!)

May the coming of Moshiach be swift and easy. May the hostages be returned hale and healthy to their families. May the suffering of our people in Eretz Yisrael come to an end. Am Yisrael Chai! Shabbat Shalom.

Parshas Chayei Sara – Before the Task Begins

Have you ever thanked Hashem for finding a parking spot? For coming up with that dollar you needed to pay to unlock a shopping cart? For running into a friend whom you desperately needed to call? These are our refrains of gratitude, and they are often moments conscientiously chosen after moments of elevated stress. Expressing gratitude to Hashem is a beautiful act, and one we learn from Avraham Avinu. But what about asking for help at the very beginning, before the slight rise in blood pressure, before we wonder if our efforts are about to founder. Perhaps the first noticeable example of this comes from a wholly unexpected source: Avraham’s trusted servant Eliezer.

 

In parshas Chayei Sara, Avraham instructs Eliezer to go and find Yitzchak a wife. He sends him back to his homeland but also instructs him whom he cannot choose.  Once he arrives at the well in Nachor and before he speaks to even one citizen of note, Eliezer asks God for help. “O G-d. God of my master Avraham, make it happen to me today, I pray, and act with loving-kindness to my master Avraham” (24:12).

 

One could surmise that he was nervous that he could not fulfill his mission properly, but Avraham literally told him that Hashem would “send a messenger before you, and you will get a wife for my son from there” (24:7). Avraham had sent him with assurance that he would be successful, and still Eliezer stops before he even begins and turns to Hashem for success.

 

Eliezer’s words are powerful. “Hakareh na l’phanai hayom. Let it happen to me today.”  The Hebrew term kareh (happen) is most often spoken about in reference to its use in describing how the Amalekites rejected the idea of Divine providence. The Amalekites chose to attack the Israelites to show that there was no such thing as predestination, that they could control fate.

 

Eliezer, on the other hand, used the word kareh for the exact opposite implication. Eliezer’s prayer is a recognition that even things that seem like happenstance are the workings of Hashem’s control. Eliezer has followed every instruction Avraham has given him, and there is no reason to doubt that he will succeed. At the final stage, when “chance” matters most, Eliezer turns and asks Hashem to make it all go smoothly.  

 

Quite beautifully, Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsh notes that Eliezer’s use of Hashem’s name, yud-key-vav-kay, is a way of saying “You, Who are not only the old old Creator, Who laid the foundations of the world thousands of years ago, but Who are still active in ever approaching moment, makes it [success] come into existence…” This is a beautiful iteration of the first of Maimonides 13 Principles of Faith:  “I believe with complete faith that the Creator, blessed be His name, is the Creator and Guide of all the created beings, and that He alone has made, does make, and will make all things.”

 

Eliezer’s supplication is a beautiful reminder to us of our own need to turn to Hashem first, not out of need but out of an understanding that everything is in His hands. Additionally, Eliezer’s sincere bitachon demonstrates the way Avraham influenced those around him. And this, too, is a lesson that we can take from Perek chaf-daled. Our actions and our beliefs do not exist in a vacuum. Every individual influences the people around them: friends, neighbors, colleagues, and even household help (although Eliezer was far more than that!). The mission of the Jewish people is to be a “light unto the nations,” to be a guiding example of humanity’s inherent relationship with the Divine. It is not what we say but what we do – how we act – that will have the most impact.

 

 

Moving Forward (Parshas Chayei Sarah #4)

For a parsha that seems to focus on marriage and the continuation of the family of Avraham, it seems a bit odd that it opens with death. One might think that Chapter 23, the death and burial of Sarah, would be attached to the previous Parsha, which includes many of the travails of Avraham’s life. Indeed, if, as the Midrash tells us, Sarah’s death was directly connected to the binding of Yitzchak, should not those two narratives be studied at the same time?

 

Sarah’s death opening a new Parasha is a beautiful metaphor for the Jewish view on death and mourning.  Traditionally, while we mourn at the time of death, we celebrate a Yahrtzeit, the anniversary of the death. Inevitably, there is sadness to the day, but we take that sadness, and we try to transform it into a positive, forward going energy by elevating the neshama of the departed with prayers, with a special kiddush, with divrei Torah, and etc. The very fact that the death of Sarah is introduced by a statement of her life, “And the life of Sarah was…” (Bereshis 23:1), expresses a powerful reminder that when death comes, we must focus on the life that was.

 

Given that Judaism has a firm faith in the afterlife, death is just the beginning of the next stage. No, this is not stated anywhere in the Torah, but it is deeply rooted in our beliefs. Those of us in Olam Hazeh, this world, cannot know what Olam Habah, the world to come, is actually like, and since the Torah is a guidebook for Olam Hazeh, it is not mentioned in the Torah.

 

One might think that with her death, Sarah’s story is over. This is not so, and it could be understood that this is the reason that Sarah’s death is the lead into this parsha rather than the parsha beginning with the search for Yitzchak’s wife, which is the majority of this week’s portion. Sarah waited a very long time to have a child so that she and Avraham could continue their spiritual mission into the forthcoming generations. Her story does not end until those generations truly are forthcoming.

 

It appears, from the order of the verses, that Sarah’s death took a great toll on Avraham: “And Avraham was old, advanced in days, and the Lord had blessed Avraham with everything” (24:1). Without Sarah, Avraham was jarred into realizing that his own time was coming to an end. This spurred him on to find a wife for Yitzchak, who was already close to 40 when his father took him for the Akeidah.

 

Parshas Chayei Sarah is no less a parsha about movement than Parshas Lech Lecha, but it is a different type of movement. In their earlier years, the movement was physical and energetic. In Parshas Chayei Sarah, the movement is far more subtle. Death can seem like a drastic ending, like the end of hope and joy. And it is appropriate when such a drastic end occurs - indeed, whenever one faces a great loss - that one take the time to mourn and recover. But the placement of the death of Sarah as the introduction to Yitzchak’s eventual marriage reminds us that Olam Hazeh is forward moving, that life must carry on and that we must take care of the future as a means of honoring those who have passed.

 

A New Look at YItzchak (Chayei Sarah #3)

 In the way that it is frequently taught, Parshas Chayei Sarah could, oddly enough, be seen as the foundation of a heartwarming Hallmark special: Widowed father, worried for his introverted son, sends his most trusted confidant to find his son a match. Said confidant worries over his ability to do right by the boy but puts his faith in fate and meets a girl who appears perfect. The catch, of course, is that she comes from the nastiest family in town, a bunch of thieves willing to commit murder. The confidant and the girl work together and overcome her family’s attempts to subvert the match for their own means. They return to the home of the father. They arrive just as the son is stepping outside to pray. The girl sees him, sparks fly, and she knows without a doubt that she has made the right choice.

It's a lovely narrative and, in its own way, quite accurate. But because of how overwhelmingly this story focuses on Rivka, we often miss out on seeing the subtle but important detail that is there to help us understand Yitzchak. This detail – this single pasuk – and the Midrashim that come from it, shift our preconceived notions about the seemingly passive nature of Yitzchak.

The verse is 24:32: “And Yitzchak came from having come to the well [called] L’chai Roee, for he dwelt in the land of the south.” Yitzchak was not, as it so often seems, sitting in his father’s tents waiting for Eliezer to return. So what was Yitzchak doing? What or where was the well called L’chai Roee? According to the Midrash, this was the well from which Hagar drew water to save Yishmael. It’s a strange location to associate Yitzchak travelling to, and on this too there are several commentaries. The most simple of these stating that he had travelled there to find Hagar, Avraham’s ousted concubine, and to bring her back to Avraham (who then remarried her under the name Katurot) – Bereishis Rabba 60:40. As simple as it is, the idea of this act is beautiful. Just as his widowed father wished for him to marry, for him to find his life partner, Yitzchak sought a means to guarantee that his father would not be alone.

Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch adds a different purpose and, in this, a new layer of understanding human uncertainty and the desire for confident prayer. “Yitzchak, the one who was most concerned in the matter [of Eliezer finding a bride] should feel drawn to the place that could strengthen his confidence that God would act for him…” For here at this well, Hashem had already proven that he hears prayers and answers them hastily.

Beyond the question of where or what was the well of L’chai Roee, the language of the pasuk is strange. It doesn’t just say that Yitzchak had journeyed from L’chai Roee, but rather it says ba mevo, literally that he came from coming. The commentators make much of this, noting how incredibly active this phrase is. Often when a person in Tanach goes some place, the terminology of travelling – linsoa or laleches – is used. Ba mevo disrupts the common image of a sedate Yitzchak. It is a secret gem that gives us the opportunity to look closer and see that Yitzchak was, in fact, a person who actively went places. Interestingly, several commentators write that he was coming from time alone, time of isolated meditation encouraged by his father. This is a good reminder that stillness and activity can both be deliberate actions.

The phrase ba mevo also leads to discussions of how, exactly, Eliezer and Rivka came upon Yitzchak. Rather than perceiving Yitzchak to have been waiting at his father’s encampment or at a designated meeting site, the implication, as some understand it, is that they met along the way, as they were both travelling in the same direction. But as the Radak notes: “Now the Torah tells us that Yitzchak encountered them as if by coincidence. The fact is, of course, that God arranges matters for the benefit of those whom He loves without their even being aware of it at the time.”

Perhaps seeing Yitzchak as a more active persona only makes the story more “Hallmark.” A now motherless boy helping his father, praying for his perfect match, and travelling the dry, lonely roads of the south. It’s a different take than the youth waiting at his father's tents who goes out to pray just at the moment his bride comes… Indeed, several of the commentaries on verse 24:63 believe that he went out to converse with a friend, based on the term lasoo’ach, which some translate as meditate (and thus pray) but which is also associated with the word l’siach, to converse.

There is no direct lesson or message here, just a fascinating delve into the wonders of meaning within the words of the Torah and an exploration to learn more about the least described patriarch. Additionally, gaining insight into Yitzchak helps us better understand the future dynamics of this couple, and, in so doing, hopefully helps us understand ourselves a little more as well.

Will She Take the Journey (Chayei Sarah #2)

You can’t force faith. It’s a fact. One can teach about beliefs and ideals. One can demonstrate living a life according to a strict moral code. But one cannot force someone else to believe in anything. This was something of which Avraham was well aware. Traditional texts record that Avraham and Sarah had many followers and that they were constantly teaching others about belief in the Creator, but what was most important to them was that each person find the opportunity, like Avraham, to truly find God on his or her own. The significance of this level of belief can be observed in the story of Rivka.

There is a seemingly odd discussion in the Gemara about whether Avraham had a daughter (Baba Batra 16b). One of the opinions is that Avraham had a daughter whom he called “Bakohl,” which means in or with everything. The Talmudic discussion is based on Bereishis 24:1, which says, "And Avraham was old, advanced in days, and Hashem blessed him with everything." The play-on-words interpretation that Avraham was blessed with a daughter whom he named Bakohl comes from the supposition that to have been truly blessed with everything, Avraham would have sired both a son and a daughter. 
Perhaps though, one could take this a step further and explain that the daughter with whom Avraham was blessed was his daughter-in-law Rivka. One could say, looking at the conversation between Avraham and Eliezer, that Avraham believed that Rivka, as a not-so-distant relative, had spiritual potential. The Torah tells us specifically that he knew of her:

Some time later, Avraham was told, Milcah too has borne children to your brother Nahor: Uz the first-born, and Buz his brother, and Kemuel the father of Aram; and Chesed, Hazo, Pildash, Jidlaph, and Bethuel” - Bethuel being the father of Rivka. These eight Milcah bore to Nahor, Avraham’s brother (Bereishis 22:20-23).

Avraham could have named Rivka as the one he wanted Eliezer to find, but instead of naming her to Eliezer, he sent Eliezer back to his homeland with only the main instructions to bring home a bride and to not agree, under any circumstances, for Yitzchak would go there. And Eliezer appears to understand, for he too refers only to "the woman," leaving her specified yet undefined. 

So why didn't Avraham just tell Eliezer to go to Rivka? Because Avraham wanted to place no claim on her. For her to marry Yitzchak, she had to come completely of her own volition. To become Avraham's daughter, she had to have her own Lech Lecha type of journey, and Avraham was setting the stage for this to happen by sending Eliezer to find a wife from his land, from his birthplace, and from his father's house. There could be no hint of force or coercion in this process. It had to be completely from her heart and come from her soul; Just as today a convert must be completely sincere for the process to be correct.

But what if she said no? What if Rivka was not as strong as Avraham and Sarah had been? It was a possibility, and this, perhaps, was at the heart of Eliezer's question of what if she won't make the journey. Avraham recognizes this as a possibility, and this is why he is firm in his command that Yitzchak cannot go out of the Promised Land - so much so that he states it numerous times. If Yitzchak reverses Avraham's journey, then all will be lost. 

When Avraham sends Eliezer to Ohr Kasdim, he is "old and advanced in days.” He is ready to let a new generation take the lead, but for that he knows, better than anyone, that Yitzchak needs the right partner, and that partner must be one who can understand Avraham’s original journey. When he sends Eliezer to find Yitzchak a wife, he is completely confident that his family will be complete because he knows that Hashem has truly blessed him in everything.

Bringing Opposites Together (Chayei Sarah #1)

When my husband and I were dating, we often joked about certain parts of our personalities that made us different. I was the “Capricorn” (Hebrew month of Tevet) to his “Cancer” (Hebrew month of Tammuz), which we most often saw defined as head-over-heart and heart-over-head. In many ways we were an excellent case of “opposites attract.” Similarly - sort of - the courtship story of Isaac and Rebecca, which begins in this week’s parsha and continues next week, is about a Divine pairing of opposites. It is also a narrative from which our current society can learn a beautiful and important lesson.

Of the three patriarchs, Isaac is the one about whom there is the least text in the Torah. He is a man of steadiness. Unlike Abraham, his father, and Jacob, his son, Isaac made no grand journeys. The furthest he travelled was to Gerar, a city where his parents had already made an impact. Isaac was the son of a man known for his acts of chesed, loving-kindness, and a woman renowned for her wisdom and modesty. His persona is of an introvert, focused on preserving his father’s legacy. Holding onto a traditional path, he wanted to pass what he had on to his eldest son. Isaac is considered in Judaic texts to be the embodiment of the middah of gevurah, inner strength.

Rebecca, on the other hand, is a woman of movement and change. The daughter of an avaricious con man (according to the Midrash), she did not let her family’s corruption hold her back. Nor did traditions constrain her. When a man (Eliezer) spoke to her at the well, she immediately responded, provided him with water, and brought water for his camels. She doesn’t hesitate to follow Eliezer to marry a man she’s never met. When her twins fight within her, she demands an answer why, and when she sees a need to correct the path of events (who should receive the blessing) she takes action to correct it.

It seems that Isaac is head-over-heart and Rebecca is heart-over-head. This is significant because their union brought about the creation of Jacob, who is known as the embodiment of tiferet, splendor - a blending of gevurah and chesed that leads to emes, truth.

After the terrible tragedy in Pittsburgh this past week, there was a tidal wave of finger-pointing articles. Perhaps in the wonderful union of Isaac and Rebecca we can learn a lesson that will bring people together. From the bringing together of Isaac, a conservative, and Rebecca, a liberal, the splendor of truth could be born, and from the man of truth came the Jewish nation, whose purpose is to be a holy nation and light unto the world.

In the wake of tragedy - may our people have no more - let us be inspired by Isaac and Rebecca and come together as the family that we truly are.